There's not much that makes me feel like updating anymore. I still read! A lot! I just don't have the urge to spill like I used to. I think I'm friends with all of you on either Facebook or Twitter, but if not pls add me so we can be.

Also, I post stuff on wordpress now. It's less personal and more about me painting furniture to make it tackier than it was when I got it.
http://domesticityisweird.wordpress.com/

i can't wait to see the other apicetures from tonight

Even in a (relatively) big city like Austin, it's weird how small of a world it is out there. I guess when everyone's unemployed, we're all applying to the same jobs anyway, but you never think about that. A person who I was, until recently, friends with was apparently the front runner for my job before it was my job. Gia was training me on payroll and human resources and we ended up in the folder for prospect resumes, where I saw her name at the top of the pile of resumes. I asked if they'd interviewed her and Gia started laughing. Apparently the interview process was a miserable failure, and the word abysmal was used to describe it.

It's so strange? Ironic? I don't know what word to use to describe it. If she hadn't been (allegedly) borderline sociopathic in the interview, then I would never have gotten this job and I would most likely still be unemployed and running low on my unemployment resources. Instead, I have an ideal job surrounded by people with whom I enjoy working and I'm about to be paid more money than I know what to do with. Funny how things turn out.

Jim found out that Gia is still regularly reading his emails, even though he explicitly told her to never do that again. She had the audacity to do it right in front of me, so I informed him of it and he was LIVID. I didn't realize how upset he was until this afternoon though. He called and told me to stay out of the office. He has an "errand" for me to run, which just involves taking an envelope downtown and dropping it off at a hotel for one of our clients he's meeting tomorrow evening. It's something he could easily give the client tomorrow, but he needs an excuse to keep me out of there. At first that terrified me, but Mel said that's the exact same thing he did to her predecessor when Casey was fired.

I asked Jim if I should be worried and he said absolutely not. He called today while I was at the gym, "climbing a hill" on the elliptical, and totally out of breath. He asked why I was panting and I said "I'm at the gym," to which he replied "Yeah this is Jim." We repeated this sad imitation of "Who's on first, What's on second" like four times before he realized what I was saying. All of that just to ask me if there was any doubt in my mind that Gia still read his emails on a regular basis. I said yes and he said "ok" and just hung up. I'm assuming that settles it since he said before that was the last straw.

I'm a little concerned about taking over for Gia since I've only been training with her for a week and most of what she does is stuff I've never done before, like bookkeeping and accounting, but I have no doubt about my ability to learn quickly now that I've been shown the basics. I was supposed to have a month to learn the ropes. Good thing I thrive in stressful situations or I'd be totally fucked.

What I am looking forward to is negotiating my salary. I've been trained by my mom in how to do so successfully while making your boss think he won, so I have no doubt I'll be able to get a salary of at least $50,000, if not more. I am also supposed to get a signing bonus of $1,000 but I'm considering breaking the ice by asking for a steak of the month club membership instead of the signing bonus. He's a rich, bourgeoisie fuck but he likes to think he's a good old boy, so I think asking for red meat will give him a good enough laugh to get me a good salary. Plus, fucking steak man.

IN OTHER NEWS, for 100 more words at least, Titus seems to be adjusting well to the family. He and Bailey are still fighting a turf war over the upstairs, but they'll be cool. I locked them both in a room together and was expecting it to sound like Thunderdome in there but they just hissed for a bit and went in opposite corners. He let me put him on my shoulder earlier and no longer flinches when I reach to him for head scratches, so I think he's going to fit in well. Marshall seems to really like him too, which is important since he always thought he just didn't like cats.

I actually wrote this today for The Euphonicurean, Tricia's new blog that I guess I'll post on whenever inspiration strikes hard enough to keep me from swearing abundantly.

I was listening to Mumford and Sons (maybe just a smidge too loud) the other night when my husband came home. He'd never heard them before and was intrigued. He's working on a new album and was interested in why exactly I liked them so much, a question he asks me a lot but one I'm still so bad at answering. But this time I knew exactly what I love about Sigh No More: two part vocal harmonies, sweeping climaxes punctuated by a plucky, twangy banjo, and a cycle between quiet melodies and a wall of sound. I'm a sucker for a wall of sound. It's why I'll always love Phil Spector songs even though Phil Spector's murderous impulses terrify me, it's why I was totally obsessed with Sufjan Stevens until I just...wasn't anymore, and it's why punk music will always be part of my daily listening routine.

I'm the same way with food. I'll try new things when they're offered to me, of course, but I always tend to stray back to my old standards - simple foods but with a wall of flavor. You know what I mean. Freshly made pesto, sharp cheese, a thick slice of bacon, a big fat olive (preferably stuffed with prosciutto or feta cheese), dill, cinnamon, garlic, a steaming curry with coconut and peppers that'll burn the taste buds off your tongue, cranberries, white truffle oil, and any Texas-style barbecue sauce on pretty much any meat. Marshall teases me because I always use the same spices (I dare you to find a recipe I make on a regular basis that doesn't include at least one clove of garlic) but it's not my fault that they're so packed with flavor they make my mouth water just thinking about them.

So in honor of my currently overwhelming obsession with Mumford & Sons, I present to you a recipes also featuring a wall of flavor. You can assume that anything I post here is gluten free because that's how I roll, whether I like it or not. (I don't like it, in case you were wondering.)

Pan-seared bacon green beans
I KNOW, RIGHT? The name alone has your mouth watering.
- You all know how to prep green beans for cooking, so I won't bore you with all the "snap this" and "wash that" business but, you know, wash and snap however many you want first.
- Go ahead and slice up some bacon, or whatever hippie soy tofu sprouted fake bacon you found on sale for $10 last week at Whole Foods, into reasonably sized pieces to mix with the beans. Don't cook it first or it'll turned into charred blasts of flavor instead of just light, crispy blasts of flavor.
- Put both of those in a bowl and dump whatever sort of crazy spices you want, but I'd suggest sticking with those in the pepper family, like paprika and cayenne. If you're me, you'll also want to toss some minced garlic in the mix but my garlic evangelism doesn't go so far as to force it on you. Toss all this around until everything's nicely coated.
- Cook that delightful concoction in a cast iron skillet on medium high heat until they start to burn. Then toss them around and let the other side burn as well. Seriously, the only way you can fuck this up is if you don't let them burn.
- These are best if served pretty quickly otherwise they'll start losing their crispiness. I love dipping them in pesto or hummus, but you can do what you want man I ain't your mom.

Another way I love to eat these is to mix them in with potato gnocchi covered in pesto. Watch me bring this back around to music: I love the way the crispy green beans harmonize with the squishy gnocchi, MUCH LIKE those dudes in Mumford & Sons whose names I don't know. I use Conte's brand of gluten free potato gnocchi because I'm not an Italian grandmother with nothing else to do but make pasta for my family. Conte's has crazy awesome gluten free stuff like spinach ravioli, stuffed cheese shells, pre-made pizzas, and pierogies, and all of it is just as delicious as its gluten-filled counterpart.

So there. Turn on Sigh No More and belt your sweet little heart out to "Little Lion Man" while intentionally burning your vegetables, and not just to spite your grandmother who boiled them until they had no flavor left.

I hate myself for having watched The Ugly Truth. I don't even know how I ended up on its Netflix Watch Instantly page after I finished Nightmare On Elm Street, but there I was, click on "Watch Now" instead of just picking out something a little less 'this is what's wrong with modern films.' I tried to talk myself out of it until John Michael Higgins showed up on the screen, followed immediately by Nate Corddry who is still the most adorably attractive ever, at which point I resigned myself to my fate.

I'm not much for Katherine Heigl movies anyway, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen most of them somehow. I hate romantic comedies on the whole, but I always seem to end up watching Kate & Leopold or Serendipity or Maid In Manhattan or 27 Dresses when I see that it's on, even though I hate watching them. (Except Kate & Leopold because that one is legitimately awesome.) Katherine Heigl's characters take it a step further into female stereotypes, to a much more shrill, painful level. I can accept stereotypes in a romcom because that's just part of the territory, but something about the way her characters are written just pushes me past the edge.

The Ugly Truth, though, took that stereotype and turned the knob to 11. I hate I hate I hate this movie. So here is a list of all the things wrong with it:

1. Stigmatizing female masturbation - LADIES. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH JERKING OFF JUST AS OFTEN AS YOUR MALE FRIENDS DO. When I was younger, my parents found an Ask Jeeves search for "how to masturbate" and sent me to counseling. It took until 2008 to clear my brain from that and give me the confidence to say "you guys I totally jerk it on a very regular basis." Because I do. And every other woman you meet does, even if she says she doesn't. Your mom does it, your cousin does it, that nerdy girl you make fun of on the bus does it, and I do it.
2. Encouraging faked orgasms because "there's someone else in the room to, you know." Since when has the male orgasm been the elusive one? Now I haven't been around THAT many blocks, but I can guarantee you I've never met a man with an orgasm problem that a little blue pill couldn't fix. Encouraging women to fake an orgasm for the sake of their partner is encouraging their partner to be a lazy, inattentive lover. Is it so hard for him to lick a little there or touch a little here to make it enjoyable for her or are we really supposed to teach him that a woman can be satisfied by a one-pump chump? Because one day, after years of sleeping with faked orgasms, he's going to fall in love with a woman who won't fake an orgasm and he won't know what to do because he's never been taught how to please a woman properly.
3. The only way to find love is to hide your personality, neuroses and all, or hope the jackass misogynistic pig in your life has a change of heart. Take it from someone who tried to change one herself - misogynists don't change. They grew up hating women, they've made a lifestyle out of hating women, and no amount of sweet talk or real talk with a misogynist is going to change that enough to make him worth dating or even finding attractive.
4. If you make more than your boyfriend or your husband, he automatically feels emasculated and he won't want to have sex with you. Who are they fucking kidding with this shit? This isn't the 1950s or even the 1980s anymore. More and more, women are getting paid an equal salary. Unfortunately this doesn't apply everywhere, but we'll get there someday. But to make that a plot point for two side characters reinforces the belief in men and women that she should get paid less than him to keep the relationship balanced. Doing so in films reinforces to yet another generation of working women that they shouldn't wish to get paid equally or else they'll never get married to a real man.

Ugghhhh fuck this movie. I half-heartedly laughed at the scene where she ended up at a corporate dinner wearing vibrating underwear unknowingly controlled by a kid at another table, but even that was just barely a chuckle. The only redeeming quality I was able to find in the entire movie was the scene where the color was really off and it made Gerard Butler look like a leper.

This is the last I'll post about it because I'm DONE with this fucking woman, but I wanted to share (and also preserve for the future) the deluge of messages this woman has sent me. Keep in mind that I've only ever sent her two, both of which are in that last entry.

August 18 at 10:32am
then keep your rude and ignorant comments to yourself please, I have no reason to talk to you any more

August 18 at 3:15pm
and you have a trashy mouth and a really rude and undesirable attitude -- you actually make me laugh, your comments are so off-base, I wonder where in the world you get all or your information, gosh it must be the liberal-biased media or something... goodness, get a grip -- give it some time, maybe just maybe you will learn to control your emotions (and trashy mouth) and you will get a lot farther in this life -- now, please don't write me again -- I asked you that already, I have nothing to say to you -- just don't be the first to assume that you are right about everything in this life, it is not an attractive quality and you will not win any friends this way...

August 18 at 5:16pm (on Jade's status)
Alicia -- grow up girl -- writing profanities and messages to me so no one can see, NOT COOL -- you will learn that your rude and dirty little mouth aren't going to get you very far in influencing people, if that is what you think you are trying to do -- because I am pretty disgusted at your filthy mouth and the way you seem to think that writing me private messages are going to intimidate me or something -- your behavior is
big-time LAUGHABLE -- oh yeah -- and for the 3rd time, DO NOT WRITE ME PRIVATE DIRTY LITTLE MESSAGES AGAIN, its not impressive!!!!!

August 18 at 5:18 (new comment on Jade's profile)
hi Jade -- I have a favor to ask of you -- could you please ask A. Jones to stop writing me rude and profanity-laden messages on facebook? She has written 2 now -- I asked her to stop writing me after the first and she continues. Very hot-headed , narrow-minded and emotionally charged with the pleasant addition of profanity -- not very attractive to say the least -- sorry to bother you with this, but I really have nothing to say to this girl, we are on complete opposite sides of the "how to live your life" fence and I do not want her to write me any more. Thank you Jade -- again, sorry to bother you, but do not want to get another message from her. Love you, Sue

August 18 at 5:19 (reply to prior comment on profile)
maybe she thinks I am scared -- does she realize I am probably twice her age???????? goodness, I will figure out how to block things like this on facebook, I promise you that! thanks Jade, and please tell her I am scared to death of her little bitty threats!!!!!!!! :)

August 18 at 5:23pm
goodness, do you realize I am twice your age -- rude and potty-mouth doesn't cover it, girl! I am great friends w/ Jade's mother, for goodness sakes!!! this little dialogue needs to stop -- we don't agree on things (understatement), and a hot-headed message from you doesn't even begin to touch what I believe, so stop writing derogatory remarks and thinking it is funny to act all "bad" and say dirty little words at me! it doesn't speak well of you, dear!!!!!!!!!!

I'm always horniest when my husband (that word is stikll so weird to me) is gone and/or when I'm drunk. THIS IS NORMAL, RIGHT?

I've been spotty about reading this in the last week anyway (packing, moving, unpacking, errands, job interviews, blahdiblah) but I'm bidding you all farewell until after the honeymoon because these last two days are going to be nuts!

For those of you who aren't my friend on facebook, twitter, or tumblr:

AHHHHH I'M GETTING MARRIED! We won and we're getting hitched on May 23!! Because of the short timeline, we had to do emailed invitations for 99% of the people we invited, and I think I got everyone who could feasibly come/invited me to their own wedding, but if you didn't get one emailed to you this afternoon and you either want one or want to come, let me know! I'm so excited to see the people who are flying in from different parts of the country, and I don't think it's sunk in yet that it's for real happening!

So you guys I'm about to post EEEEEVERYTHING we have planned for the wedding so far because this is my internet diary and I can. :D

( Still a lot to confirm with the theatre but here's the rest: )

Okay that's all I can remember for now but I'm sure there's more. Stefanie took some engagement pictures for us yesterday and did a really amazing job, especially considering it was 2:00 in the afternoon without a cloud in the sky and we didn't feel like sitting in traffic anymore so we just popped into the mini golf course.





Someone from weddingplans offered to take some more free ones for us so she can build her photography portfolio, and Stefanie's taking some more next weekend before Rachel & David's wedding.

I still can't believe this is really happening!

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL POST ABOUT THIS, I PROMISE, but tonight at midnight is the deadline for getting votes and I want to make sure everyone has voted from home, school, work, and their phone. Please help us win and if you can make it, I'll invite you to the wedding!



There is nothing on earth that I want more than to get hitched to my soulmate at the end of next month and I appreciate every bit of help my friends have given to make that dream come true!

http://zachtheatre.org/wedding/vote - Cast your vote for the cutest couple that isn't ALREADY MARRIED!